Sex trafficking is a heavy topic to discuss in general. Thankfully, it is receiving more attention and growing awareness each year.
There is one part of sex trafficking that is way more common than anyone would think, familial sex trafficking. It is complex, messy and most people cannot wrap their minds around the concept of how someone who is supposed to love, nurture, and take care of you turns around and sells your body for their own gain and control.
For the longest time I didn’t know that the abuse and use of my body for sex was not normal. When you experience this, as I have from an early age of 2 you don’t really realize there is something wrong with it or even that there is a label for it. It is simply how I have learned to live and survive.
It does not always look the same for everyone, even if they are in the same family.
Looking back on parts of my childhood and the sexual abuse that took place had me wondering if my sister got to be a kid because she had already paid her dues. After confronting her years later I was told, the abuse, trafficking, and sexual trauma I endured had not been the case for her.
Sometimes others in the family have no idea what is going on behind closed doors, but in my situation there are multiple family members involved in my sexual abuse.
For as long as I can remember I have always resented and harbored disgust for my mother, never knowing why I have such strong reactions to even the mention of her. It wasn’t until something happened after an extremely abusive episode, which triggered a repressed memory that I didn’t even know existed in my mind, where I was able to start to process some of the events and see them for who they truly are.
I came to discover that she was the "puppet master," pulling the strings and calling every shot all along. She is the one that started all the abuse and mistreatment. She is the enforcer. My father is at her beck and call and is an active participant in doing whatever repulsive act to my body she sees fit. The lies he tells me when executing sexual abuse is that he is rescuing me from how bad it could be if she handles it herself, making me believe he is the savior, telling me I am the "chosen one." In some ways, he is correct; she is way more manipulative and physically aggressive than he is. Both of them repeatedly sold and continue to sell my body to the highest bidder, or to whomever they have a debt to pay off.
No two experiences are the same, especially in trafficking within a family. Now looking back and having the knowledge I have begun to realize just how wrong and despicable it is. Trying to move past the psychological warfare that they have inflicted in my mind, and the physical torture and scars they have left on my body has been hard. I wonder if I can ever truly heal from 37 plus years of constantly being trafficked by my family? I have to give it a shot because really what do I have left to lose, right? You might ask, how or why could this continue to happen for 37 years? My traffickers kept me isolated, confined in a closet daily, only to be let out to be abused or when they sold me time and time again.
Then, I thought I escaped when I married a man only to figure out that my parents had orchestrated the marriage between us. They sold me to him, using it as a facade to cover up my body being sold to different kinds of buyers/abusers. He continued the isolation and confinement, and took it to new levels. When I divorced him I hoped the trafficking and abuse would end, but no matter what I try to do they would track me down and sell me yet again.
They want to appear as though we are a “perfect” little family. It's a LIE!
Recognizing and acknowledging the individuals society labels as parents and a spouse, and how they have distorted my journey, doesn't make it any easier to process. This realization has fueled my desire to break free. I understand that I still have a long journey ahead, but one thing is certain: with the right kind of supportive people in my corner, I can start to embrace a future I never thought possible. I can transition from merely surviving to truly thriving, no longer needing to keep their secrets, and move forward from a life that was stolen from me.
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