Choose Kindness

Recently while out with my daughter celebrating her birthday we decided to stop and grab dinner before going home. While we were waiting for our food she was visiting with a previous teacher and overheard part of a conversation that her grandmother came up and had with me. This resulted in my daughter shutting down and not wanting to celebrate. After we left and got home, she would barely eat and when going to bed asked me, “If the celebration for her birthday with friends on Saturday would be a better day, than she what she just had to experience?” All I could tell her was it most definitely will be because we get to spend the day with people who choose to love her and only want the best for her.  The following night while sitting on the couch I started to have a hard conversation with her about what she had overheard the night before. She expressed that she was hurt by some of the names we were being called and words that were said about both of us by her grandmother. The names and words she heard made her feel horrible about herself and who she was becoming. She did not understand why this person continues to say such hurtful untrue lies. She said, “Mom I really tried to not be bothered by what she thinks or says about us, but it just keeps playing over and over in my head.” I attempted to explain to her that yes, it is a very real and hard struggle to not listen to others who only spew lies. That it really has absolutely nothing to do with her; it is about their insecurities and perhaps they feel jealous or threatened by the amazing person she is growing up to be. I explained that hearing hurtful words, especially from those who should be a source of safety cut deeper because often those are the people society tells us are our supposed to love and protect us the most. That she could not control what others say or think about her, but she could control her reaction and not give them the power to make her doubt herself. This conversation got me thinking about how we could take our own hurt and disappointment to help those around us. It is a gift to be able to notice when someone needs a glimpse of kindness and my daughter has that. To know that what you see on the outside for the most part is not what is truly going on inside that person. They may have a hard shell they tend to put up for various reasons, mostly from a sense of being hurt, loneliness or being betrayed.  If we could start to understand that people who feel a sense of belonging, acceptance and love often will lift others up and those that feel insecure, threatened or unhappy with who they are often have a feeling that they must tear another person down to feel better about themselves. If we can begin to understand that it is the hurt that is talking not really what the person might be thinking or feeling. We should challenge ourselves to spend the time to get to know the person and try to understand what all they are trying to overcome before we take offense. We could strengthen those around us when we show up with compassion and understanding rather than with judgement and criticism. One act of kindness can change someone’s entire day, and that change can influence how they treat the next person they meet. It’s small, but it’s real.