The Voice in My Head

It’s said that the body holds on to all the trauma that is endured- even down to your hair. Cortisol levels in hair can show a timeline of stress levels. It got me thinking how much stress and trauma affect every aspect of one’s life. The physical toll it takes is hard to overcome but the mental toll is far more challenging to change.  

When you have lived a life of psychological warfare at the hands of those who say they love you, and it is all that you know, when that belief is challenged it is hard to see what is true and what is not. 

 When you are constantly being ridiculed for everything that “they say” you are doing wrong, you start to wonder if you could ever do anything right. Especially when every aspect of your life has been controlled - what you can eat, how to style your hair, what to wear, when or if you can talk, and what you can say.  

When you start to break free, you have no clue you can make choices that are not going to get you in trouble. Your mind keeps reverting to the despicable things that have been said, and you can hear them clear as the day in your head. It gets to the point that even just a look can make you snap back to what they have conditioned you to do and be. You replay every conversation, every move made trying to make things make sense in your mind that should never have happened. You feel like you are going crazy because you start to forget things, only to keep questioning if you were ever really told in the first place.  

Once you are able to break free physically you think things will get better, that you will not constantly be battling the thoughts and voices, and you can close that chapter, but it is not that simple. It’s not like there is a magic pill you can take to rewire the misfires that are happening in your brain.  Changing the way your mind connects things and shattering how you compartmentalize things takes an enormous amount of time and deliberate steps.  

This is why mental health awareness is so vital. No two people experience and heal in the same way. What works for one doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for others. It is important to know and be able to recognize the warning signs, unfortunately many do not until it is too late.

I challenge you if you see something say something to that person, you never know, it could be just what they need in their moments of darkness when nothing makes sense.

Have compassion and grace towards what they are saying and showing in that moment. Understand that the conversation is going to be hard and at times might seem uncomfortable, but it will be worth every moment, it could save their life!

You can be that beacon of light in a cold dark world.  

What if you could be that constant positive voice that plays in their mind replacing the one that is only out to hurt and destroy them?!?