My Confinement Was A Lie I Believed

They say humans have a deeply rooted need for connection in our biology, that we are inherently social creatures. For the longest time I had a hard time with this concept, and to be honest more days than not still struggle with this. You see that was the furthest thing I ever wanted or knew I would end up needing the most. Growing up I could not think of a single person who did not want something from me or to use my body. I learned from a very young age that it was me against the world and that I could only ever depend on myself. It was the only way to stay safe and not get disappointed when things got worse. Believing that outside my confinement was more dangerous than the hell inside.

I heard a quote that said one person could change the whole trajectory of someone’s life in either a positive or negative way, it is for you to decide which way it goes. The younger me would have disagreed with this quote, only focusing on the negative way because life had never given me any choices. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I came face to face with someone that looked at me with no judgment, saw through the broke smile, and didn’t require anything from me or use my body. She only wanted to be a supporter and walk beside me. It took a lot of patience and time spent one on one with her for me to start to let down my guard and give a little glimpse of my existence up to that point. She has shown me that I don’t have to be or do what my family has tried to convince me that I am. I am now starting to see and understand that what my family has done to me is not my fault and what they say are just lies to manipulate their truth and keep their secrets. For the first time I have been seen, heard, believed and above all accepted.

Over these years I have discovered that it might be ok to let a few people in slowly over time. I have to always trust my gut and keep in mind not everyone is going to hurt me. Also keeping in mind that not everyone will be able to handle my reality or have the right to know my story. It has not always been easy, and I have made huge progress along with setbacks of course. I can fully acknowledge that had it not been for that one person who was willing and brave enough to walk this dark road with me I would not be where I am today!

Today I get to be one who sits in those dark places with people and shine a light as a beacon of hope for them. So, my question for others is are you ready to be the one that can change someone else’s life for the better? You don’t have to have all the right answers or always know what to do. The most important thing is to believe them and show that they are worth caring about, that they have purpose.