“The More I Heal, The More I Can Remember”

The shocking video of a woman trying to escape terror from her abuser chasing her down the hallway and dragging her by her hair, kicking her and screaming at her was indeed alarming. When it was exposed that her abuser is a celebrity who indulged in violent sexual “freak offs”, society had to shift their perspective and decide to see the truth.

We often blindly accept what we are presented in public, when in fact Cassie Ventura lived in terror and fear. She was sexually assaulted and exploited. She was made to pretend rather than expose what was really happening, to cover up the lie of the man who thought he was untouchable. She was forced to make his image look glamorous in public while she suffered incredible violent trauma behind closed doors.

Sadly, as horrific as this story is, it happens every day, and we are either to self-absorbed to notice, or we judge what we see as the survivor being compliant. We have come to understand that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) which is trauma that occurs over multiple terrorizing experiences can paralyze a person, causing society to misunderstand the truth of what they see exhibited. It is comparable to what is experienced in combat war. We cannot fully comprehend what survivors that face the daily trauma of CPTSD must navigate while trying to cover up the atrocities that are inflicted on them by their abuser. And, because we cannot truly understand what we see, we try to rationalize the behavior of the abuser and judge the survivor for the façade they present in public.

If you were to come up to a car fully engulfed in flames and hear someone screaming to get out from being locked in the trunk, you would do everything in your power to free them. You would get help. You would let them know they were not alone. The one thing you would never say is, “Why didn’t you just get out? Why didn’t you just leave.” This type of trauma is what victims of assault and CPTSD experience. We often ask survivors very similar questions, without knowing their story.

The fact that survivors and victims must endure the inhumane terror at the hand of anyone who wields power and control over them infuriates me.

In trafficking we are understanding that if the buyer is stopped, then the person being sold is free to live away from terror and that destroys the trafficker’s ability to continue to sell them. It erodes the pyramid of supply and demand. Exposing the abuser for who they truly are, could begin to allow survivors a pathway to heal. We must surround survivors with support and resources for them to heal and have the courage to face their abuser.

Cassie Ventura’s video in the hallway of terror set in motion the truth for her and so many other who were made to endure the disgusting “freak offs” covering up a monster who used his celebrity for destruction. It is incredibly brave for survivors to be given the opportunity for redemption to speak their truth. It takes courage and tenacity, and they should be seen, believed and honored when they do.

There is a “Cassie” in your life that needs to be seen and believed too.

Cassie got her moment to face the monster that terrorized her in court. After her testimony she shared: “I can’t carry this anymore. I can’t carry the shame, the guilt, the way he treated people like they were disposable. What is right is right, what’s wrong is wrong. I came here to do the right thing.” " I hope that my testimony has given strength and a voice to other survivors and can help others who have suffered to speak up and also heal from abuse and fear. For me, the more I heal, the more I can remember, and the more I can remember, the more I will never forget."