Pain Propelled to Purpose

I received a call one night from a young woman who had been violently raped in one of our local brothels.  Her value was completely disregarded as the sex buyer who caused extreme terror during his assault left her bleeding and then as he left turned and laughed at her. She did not receive medical care however she was taken to an apartment to “rest and recover.”  The next morning as I entered that apartment to check on her, I noticed numerous bottles of pain pills. She was in pain physically and emotionally, and she felt alone and worthless.  Sitting with her for nearly six hours, words seemed meaningless from what she had just experienced.  What I could do was be present and let her know that I saw her value and that she mattered to me. 

I tried to give her small reasons to live, small moments to infuse purpose into who she truly was. So many times, it is an insurmountable thought to see beyond the next minutes or hours when the pain is so great. I didn’t tell her what she should do, I did try to take the focus off the pills that could have brought temporary peace. My birthday happened to be the next day and so I asked her, “as a gift to me, if she would consider coming to church with me tomorrow and that I would pick her up.”  She smiled and agreed to come with me.  That small gesture gave purpose for her to see beyond pain she was experiencing, even for a moment. To be honest, the next morning I was not sure she would come as I waited for her in my car, but she did! And, sat on the front row with me.

Being able to just be present, loving her during the initial recovery from a horrific rape which was deemed “legal” by the brothel and the buyer, began a relationship that did bring her to a place of safety away from being sold. After hard work, this amazing woman was able to return to her family and today has two beautiful little girls to lovingly raise.

No one would have questioned her desire to consider taking her life after what she experienced and how much the brothel and the sex buyer stripped her of value and purpose.

I saw her. I saw her beauty and value, and I saw her potential.  My role that day was to be there not to have the answer, not to judge what happened to her or to judge the thoughts she was considering. My role was to let her see that someone did love her without conditions to that love and to let her know her life mattered.

When the pain of life becomes so excruciating and life seems hopeless, we must be that light extended into their darkness.

Anonymous quotes from suicide survivors express:

• "I didn't want to die. I just didn't want to hurt anymore."

• "There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn't."

• "It isn't weak to ask for help. It's like using a flashlight when you are lost in the dark." 

• "Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You're alive for a reason so don't ever give up." 

"Did you know that we can live forty days without food, and we can live three days without water, and we can actually even live eight minutes without air, but only ONE second without hope."  Hal Lindsey 

We are challenged to extend hope and encouragement. It is important to remember we cannot begin to understand how deep the pain and feelings are for someone who may want to end their life. But we can extend unconditional love and let them know that their life matters, and we see their potential and purpose. Honest and open conversations that affirm value and hope are so important.  "Asking someone directly if they are thinking about suicide will not make them suicidal and can actually help, it won’t put the idea in their head. In fact, people are often relieved to have a real conversation about mental health." – anonymous suicide survivor.

My experience with my beautiful friend that day, changed my perspective. When you sit with someone in their pain, you see them differently than what we may have had as judgmental opinions before. I truly desire to do my best to see the brilliance in the “Diamonds” we serve, especially during their darkest moments. It is indeed an honor to see their brilliance emerge together and offer light to show them their value, their purpose, and hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) says; “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope.”

Pain and hopelessness can be relieved with connection and hope. We can provide a glimpse for a path forward as we extend our hand to walk away from their pain together, because no one should feel alone. Everyone should feel value, feel loved, and feel the pain begin to subside as hope arises in community together. The potential to propel pain into purpose is possible.