Hard Work Moves the Gauge

I imagine most of you go to the grocery store, out to lunch or even just take a walk around your neighborhood without having to even think about it right? It is part of your everyday routine, and it comes naturally. But what if it wasn’t that easy or safe? I want you for just a second to think: would you be able to do it blindfolded? Would you still find it easy or safe? 

For some like me who have a history of abuse and trauma just simple tasks like these can be overwhelming and daunting. At times we can sense the danger lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce on us when we least expect it, so we constantly have to be on high alert. Always trying to figure out what is coming and having to watch our backs. Running. Exhausted, but can’t take the time to stop, always having to stay one step ahead if not they will get me. Don’t look back or we might stumble if we let down our guard for even a split second. 

We work so hard not to be caught and be dragged back into a life that only wants to destroy and use us, even potentially end us. Back into a life of being tied up, sold and tortured by the ones that were supposed to love and protect us from such evil things in this world. We would love to say this is a nightmare but unfortunately it is reality that we try to conquer every day. Just because you can’t see the threat doesn't mean it is not there. Often, we can hear their voices in our heads on repeat, “keep the secret, don’t let anyone in, the outside world is not safe, no one will believe you or understand you.” They are trying to force us to stay in compliance with what they say due to the fear and manipulation they have inflicted on us. 

These challenges do not just go away or disappear overnight after we are no longer in the situation. It can take months, years, sometimes even decades to overcome some of the things we have had to endure at the hands of abusers to even begin to feel a sense of safety. It is an everyday battle and takes an enormous amount of determination to choose to show up, do the hard work and fight what your mind is telling you so that you can move the little gauge closer to the thriving area of your life instead of the mere surviving area of life. 

Little by little, step by step, it is possible especially when you are willing to accept help from those that actually want what is best for you with nothing expected in return, which, in itself, is a hard concept to accept. Once you start facing all the things you spent so long running from, they begin to boil up with more memories of all you have had to endure. It is not easy, but I have to believe that it will all be worth it one day when you will be able to look back with a sense of accomplishment instead of fear and shame. If it wasn’t for my advocate at Xquisite I would never have known this could even be a possibility. 

If you’re a survivor needing support, please reach out, you are not alone.