CRIME SCENE TAPE SILENCE

Society has used the mantra that “whatever happens behind closed doors” is none of our business. Our blind eye to what terrorizes some under that mantra destroys lives behind those doors. Isolation at home, pretending everything is fine, and keeping the secrets of violent offenders is real. While we can’t knock on every door to expose this ugly truth, our silence protects the perpetrator of violence, not the victim.

Behind the closed door of violence is someone who feels abandoned, alone and rejected, which leads to desperate approaches to seek help. Survival kicks in and you do what it takes to live another day, and when that survival includes your children, the survival measures become more intense. Most of us do not have to endure this degree of survival tactics, and it becomes easy to judge and misunderstand the "why". Why not turn in the person abusing and torturing you? Why not just walk away? The mind games of ingraining into the victim to keep the secret of their destructive behavior is emphasized by violence and that no one is safe to even ask for help. Reaching out to law enforcement, medical help, or advocacy is met with a consequence that keeps you in a state of healing from injury and fear. 

It is understandable, then, to consider ending your life or using any means available to numb the terror and pain.

I choose to not participate in the silence that protects perpetrators & isolates survivors.

"To live in the body of a survivor is to never be able to leave the scene of the crime. I cannot ignore the fact that I live here."

Blythe Baird

That reality for survivors not able to leave the scene of the crime because they are the scene of the crime is heartbreaking. What will you do about that? Staying silent keeps the crime scene tape surrounding them.

Here’s what I believe. We cannot continue to keep the secrets of intimate partner violence that create destructive crime scenes that someone must live in. We must not be concerned about the "closed door, being ok with dungeons of terror in a home setting", and we must hold perpetrators accountable.

“I WILL NOT STAY SILENT SO YOU CAN STAY COMFORTABLE. 

It is terrible for everyone when the truth does not come out. 

It is terrible for SOME when it does.” – Cora L

The victim is made to be silent, and we become a part of the keeping their silence if we do not stand up for justice.

That requires us to become informed. To understand the signs and symptoms and to look beyond the “I’m fine” and see the various degrees of pain and healing behind it, then offer safety and help. To ask the right questions so that the survivor can receive the resources they need.

Prevention starts with education. Education gives us the steps to bring about real change. When prevention is paired with intervention, lives are recovered, hope is restored, and communities are protected. Silence must not be the only option – for the survivor or for us.

We can cut the crime scene tape and extend a hand to survivors, offering a place of belonging and community, where the options are not only for survival, but opportunities to live free. Free from terror, with dignity and strength, and their voice to no longer be silent.